Albany, NY – On the heels of the defeat of a state law that would have allowed homo­sexual cou­ples to marry, the New York State Assembly has intro­duced new leg­is­la­tion to ban mar­riages between people who hold the same screwed-up beliefs. Dubbed the “New York State Mar­riage Pro­tec­tion Act”, the bill would pro­hibit any two people who are homo­phobic, racist, or right wing nutjobs from seeking a mar­riage licence. The ini­tia­tive was imme­di­ately hailed by the state’s Demo­c­ratic party.

“If the Senate believes that we have the authority, as a gov­ern­ment, to dic­tate who can get mar­ried, we should embrace that power to pro­tect the great state of New York against cou­ples who, by com­bi­na­tion of their sheer stu­pidity, raise chil­dren in an envi­ron­ment of hatred and mis­un­der­standing about people who lead dif­ferent lifestyles,” said Demo­crat Di Salvino.

Many of her col­leagues in the state leg­is­la­ture echoed the sen­ti­ment. “These people infect every aspect of Amer­ican life,” said Assem­blyman Al Eightup. “They get involved in school boards and influ­ence how we edu­cate our chil­dren. They dis­rupt our elec­toral process with their tea bag­ging. They buy books by that twit Sarah Palin. They need to be stopped and the best way would be to treat them like the Grem­lins: keep them from multiplying.”

Pre­dictably, the pro­posed law was con­demned by Repub­li­cans, many who felt they were being sin­gled out by the lan­guage of the leg­is­la­tion. “My hus­band and I are proud to hate those fag­gots,” cried senate Repub­lican Dixie Dunn. “If this law had been in effect 10 years ago, we would have had to go to Ohio to get mar­ried. Have you seen Ohio?”

Other mem­bers of the Repub­lican party voiced their opinion and indi­cated that the fight against the pro­posed act would mirror the national party strategy against health­care reform.

“Good Chris­tians in New York need to know that the Satan wor­shiping Democratic-controlled gov­ern­ment of this state is trying to place some bureau­crat between you and the man or woman that God wants you to marry,” announced state Repub­lican sen­ator Richard Smalls. “And we all know bureau­crats hate God. Well, all of them except me.”

It remains to be seen if Democ­rats in the state assembly have the votes to pass the leg­is­la­tion, but the debate has already spread to the gen­eral public.

“I think it’s a great idea,” says Aaron Pinero, a res­i­dent of Brooklyn, NY. “I don’t want those racist cou­ples living in my neigh­bor­hood, and I cer­tainly don’t want their chil­dren going to school with mine.”

Others dis­agree.

“It’s just gov­ern­ment med­dling in the affairs of others, just like when Obama fired all those workers and caused the reces­sion,” com­plains Al Jones of Buf­falo. “Why can’t they just let good people be?”

The pro­posed law is also gaining national atten­tion. Sarah Palin, posting to her Face­book page, announced her inten­tion to “embed” her­self in New York pol­i­tics for the next few months so she can be “on the ground” to lead “a cru­sade against this mis­mar­riage of jus­tice”. Her post caused such an inflamed response from New York’s Face­book user base that the com­pany was forced to finally enable the long awaited “Dis­like” option for public posts.